Chances and choices

When we are removed from our everyday, when we are placed in situations that aren't typical, when we are forced to see ourselves differently than what we are accustomed to, we are offered valuable information. An opportunity to consider that there is so much more available to us than we allow ourselves to know. Consumed with our norm, our schedules, our responsibilities, our established roles, we can miss so much. Whether I remember or not, I am given chances everyday to stretch beyond my comfortable boundaries. They come and go so often, it's easy to mistake them for anything else but a gem hidden amongst ordinary pebbles

Going on the Teton's trip as a chaperone was a chance to step outside the roles of mother, wife, caretaker, homemaker, or whatever else I want to call myself. Though my son was on this trip, it was made clear that my role was as chaperone first, not mother, which of course required a conscious effort on my part:). It reminded me of my trip to Squam last year, a scary yet oh so worthy chance at seeing beneath and between the layers of self. The Teton trip helped me remember someone I once was in a different time. It helped me see the children I was chaperoning beyond their roles of student, son/daughter, and friend, enhancing their individualities, their personalities, each with their own hurdles and burdens to overcome. There, with the backdrop that only nature and earth can provide, we were exposed to the rawness and palpability of our spirits. With no familiar schedules, routines, or roles to hide behind, we found new dimensions in ourselves and in each other in those 5 days--dimensions that challenged, lifted, supported, split us apart and then brought us together again. We were changed whether we knew it or not, and we grew closer whether we wanted to or not.

And such are the gifts of chance and choice. I do believe dreams begin this way, when we open ourselves to things that we once deemed improbable, impossible, inconceivable, like hiking the AT trail or playing the banjo. Opportunities come and go, we just need to give ourselves permission to say "yes", "yes" to finding the glimmer that keeps the light of possibility in our eyes. With this, the promise of another gem awaits :)....

much love to you fellow adventurers...

xoxo

The Tetons

Six kids, three chaperones, and one guide. Five days we were immersed in varying ecosystems, observing the natural and scientific processes, tracking wildlife, studying conservation, and communing with the majestic Grand Teton National Park. Unforgettable in every sense...

We hunted for all kinds of scat, animal tracks and bear rips. We found gopher trails and elk bones, conducted water tests and identified macro-invertebrates, and we created art, Andy Goldsworthy style. What I may remember the most---it snowed on us in the brightness of the sun and we walked quietly amongst wild buffalo...

Thank you to the Teton Science School for an incredible journey...

Wishing you a weekend full of adventure...

xoxo

And, now...

Okay so it's been longer than "see you soon", longer than I had ever planned. I have missed this familiar, little space. I have missed writing. I have missed your writing and stealing glimpses into the lives you share. The life I've lived these past 4 weeks has had my full and complete attention. There has been enough moving stress that only chocolate and wine could soothe, followed by a wondrous journey to the Tetons as a chaperone with my son's school class. Riddled with silent moments, stunning visions, and embraceable lessons, this trip was the essence of unveiling-- things about nature, about the bustling world beyond what my urban eyes are accustomed to seeing, things about my son, about myself, about the mother I am and the mother I still strive to be. And of course, in time, I will share these thoughts with you, as I so love to do.

And so now, we are in our new home and it is finally beginning to feel like mine (as much as a rental can). There is more space to breathe, more room to roam, and even a 14 x 8 space to call my own, a workshop of sorts :). I will show you when the painting is done...

We have a seasonal creek in our backyard, one that just began to flow.
Ducks, Robins, a flurry of Goldfinches, and Northern Flickers are regular visitors to this backyard, massaging my future aspirations as a gray-haired birdwatcher. If only I was quick enough with my camera...

And now I want to say thank you. Thank you to the thoughtful souls that stopped by to say "hi", to ask so politely how I am doing, to let me know that they are still thinking of me and look forward to the next post. I am so warmed by your caring. Please know how much your words have brightened my days.

Much love to you, truly....

xoxo

This place

This place...this place that we have called home for over a year....This place...this place that gave us our first taste of life in Colorado, a place where I so willingly and eagerly planted roots. This place that gave us a wonderful neighborhood full of children and kind people, a place from where we could walk or bike to the store, to trails, to dinner, or to the farmer's market downtown. This place that allowed us to watch our children play safely outside on a quiet street, to have neighbors regularly say "Hey, your kids are welcome to eat with us tonight..."

This tiny little place was never to be our forever home, but it was a place that I thought would hold us just a little longer...But now it's time to say good-bye...

I am mourning deeply my friends, for not just a home and a village, but also for a year that changed our lives completely. We are moving only a few minutes away but the loss feels so much greater. It will be a year that I will never ever forget.

So the moving insanity has found me again...
I hope to show you pics of the new place soon.


Thank you faithful readers for always coming back, knowing you are still here keeps me going and makes me smile..

see you soon

xoxo

A week in pictures

I hope you've had a great week and weekend too!!

xoxo

with Amanda....

Spring break...

Greetings!!!!

We are knee deep in Spring break this week: crafting, bakery dates, late night movie watching, soccer camps, drama camps and a little snow play in between (though it's starting to melt now)...

So, I 'll be spending all the extra time I can with my babes and enjoying this new Spring, Colorado style...

much love to you all this week and see you the next...

xoxo

The indispensable in-between

The space between actions,

and space between thoughts,

seemingly useless, 

infinitely not.

***

A flow of

active flashes fills

my nights of 

sleeping.

Patchworks of memory

tied by rapid 

bursts of feeling. 

Timelessness,

a hollow,

rules the 

gentle drifts

of dreaming.

I am the rider,

the glider, 

the promising pathfinder,

the surfer swiftly turning

in between the 

crushing walls of wake,

before the last swallow,

until the final take.

Scattered scraps I follow,
an invisible line that leads,
whispers of buried secrets
consume the in-between.
"Go huntress" she speaks,
"seek and Godspeed.
There are no bindings or
boundaries here,
no limits to heed.
Just you, the clouds,
and your indispensable
dreams."

"Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top."
 ~Virginia Woolf

And what do your dreams say to you, awake or not?

xoxoxo

The Winners of the Meet the Marks giveaway:

#6 Kim

and

#23 mb

Congratulations and please email me your addy! And thanks everyone for entering and commenting :).

xoxo

ps. Joining Bella for 52 Photos Project {distance}

Useful, at last

“The greatest gift of life on the mountain is time. Time to think or not think, read or not read, scribble or not scribble -- to sleep and cook and walk in the woods, to sit and stare at the shapes of the hills. I produce nothing but words; I consumer nothing but food, a little propane, a little firewood. By being utterly useless in the calculations of the culture at large I become useful, at last, to myself.”
~ Philip Connors, The Best American Non-Required Reading 2009

xoxox

ps. One more day until giveaway..

Meet the Marks, a giveaway

I don't talk about him much, mostly because he is extremely private. So when I started the blog over two years ago, it was on the condition that I don't discuss family or our private lives, show any faces, and especially, absolutely never ever ever, show his face.

Since I have broken every single rule, except the last, I figured I might as well go all in and not only show his face, but talk about this wonderful man I call Hubs.

Okay, okay, not fair. Sorry, but that's as close as he will let me show....sigh....

"To HONOR and OBEY!!!" he yells to me from upstairs...hehe...it's a good thing I can get away with almost everything else :).

Truth: If it weren't for this man I would know very little about creative passion. He was the very first person to ever tell me, and show me, that a creative life is only achieved by pushing ourselves past all the voices that want to hold us back. The voices that tell us that we aren't talented enough, imaginative enough, creative enough, ambitious enough, good enough---enough enough enough.... And the voices that tell us we need years of instruction, fancy equipment, loads of time, time without kids, more money, more studio space, more more more....The voices that tell us "well....maybe some day when..."

I think you know what I mean ;).

From day one, I have watched my husband's creative energy run and race as if a pack of wild dogs were chasing him. Sometimes he spun in circles, and other times the wind carried him far ahead of where he had ever hoped to be. His own dreams of living a creative life and earning a living based on that creative life have haunted and flaunted with him since we've known each other. And despite the heart aches, set backs, disappointments, he never quits. Never.

In 2007, in a fit of inspiration, he wrote a story for our children who were 5 and 2 at the time. He called it "Meet the Marks", about a family of punctuation marks who speak according to their designated marks. And then the story went away, stored among the masses of inspired yet forgotten files on his computer.  Well, it's back, and it's printed, and now it's on Amazon here.





To birth something like this, to expose something that you've made and just put it out there for anyone to see, to judge, to hate or to love....this takes faith, courage, years of practice, and this takes creative passion. I can't tell you how proud of him I am.

Today, I will be giving away two copies of his little children's book, appropriate for ages 3-8 years old. Just leave a comment and we will choose two winners randomly next Wednesday March 20th.

Thank you for letting me shine on about my husband.....

Happy Weekend to you

xoxox

Not one bit

When I'm driving down the mountain and music fills the spaces all around me
with songs like this:

 

 or this:

 

That's when the right words suddenly pour from some hidden spring buried deep within my brain. Music is the magic tap, always....

Twice in two weeks, it has come up, this wonderful life of mine. A "soccer mom" comment and a "what DO you do all day?"

Maybe it's because I look weightless, burdens safely tucked in the palm of my hand and not strapped to my back. Or maybe it's because I find joy in my living. Or maybe it's because I live like I mean it. Or maybe because I live every day with gratitude. Money does not make me happy, and managing it is my least favorite thing to do. But living like everyday is my last, that's what makes a life a good life. So hell yes, I will paint, I will write, I will take pictures, I will snowboard, hike, learn to do new things and I will do it all while being the best mom and wife that I can be, because that is what I am here to do.

To live, to love and to learn, shamelessly, earnestly, completely.

But I don't say these things out loud, even though I want to. Even though I want to let them know that we made distinct choices before our children were born, that we have paid our dues to have the life we have, to say that my life as a stay-at-home mom is the hardest thing that I have ever done, or explain away all the hours of hard work that my husband continues to do to allow me to be that stay-at-home mom, and that the relationship that we have with our children has been worth every single choice that we've ever made. No, I don't owe them guilt, shame, excuse, or explanation, not anything.

Not. one. bit. :)

xoxox